Britons awaiting orders from US President

Millions of voters across Britain have responded with jubilation to the news that Barack Obama will shortly be telling them how to vote in the forthcoming EU referendum.


Welcome clarity


Yesterday the White House announced that Obama was to give a “very candid” address to the British people in which he would tell them exactly how to vote.

A spokesman for the President made things clear.

It’s very simple. There’s only one option in this referendum, and the President will be making a visit to Britain next week to tell you which one it is.


Relief


Charlotte Joy, a 32 year-old mother of two, was delighted at the prospect of Obama’s visit:

He’s going to tell us to vote to remain – just like David Cameron and Jeremy Corbyn. I’m so relieved that our leaders are all saying the same thing. It takes away the pressure of having to make an independent decision.

Richard Smith, a 27 year-old sales assistant, was similarly pleased at the news:

I was over the moon when I found out – like, way over it.


Befuddlement


However, Smith had since come back down to earth after reading a disturbing piece of news in the Telegraph:

Apparently, the President advised David Cameron against holding the referendum a while back, only for the Prime Minister to go ahead with it anyway.

Isn’t that illegal?


Gratitude


Meanwhile, 19-year old student Thomas Kelly expressed his gratitude to Barack Obama:

The President has said that he’s going advise us “as a friend.”

Master is too kind.