Nigel Farage joins Remain Campaign in shock EU-turn

Nigel Farage has announced this morning that he will be campaigning for Britain to remain a member of the EU.

In a shock “EU-turn” that has taken the political establishment utterly by surprise, the UKIP leader said that he had experienced a “change of heart” over the EU and that he would now be campaigning for Britain Stronger In Europe.

A frank admission

Farage spoke candidly about his decision:

I’ve been banging on about Europe for quite a while now – over twenty years in fact. And do you know what? It’s all been complete and utter guff.

Asked at what point he became a converted Europhile, the UKIP leader paused to think for a moment, before answering:

I think it was when David Cameron said that if we left the EU, France would let all the Calais migrants into Britain. At that point I said, hang on a minute. EU immigration is running in the hundreds of thousands, but if we leave to regain control, we’ll end up with the 3000 Calais migrants…

I did the maths, and then it hit me – we’re much better off staying in and keeping the French onside.

Political chaos

In response to Farage’s U-turn, Jeremy Corbyn announced that the Labour party’s position on the EU referendum was “under review”, while David Cameron disappeared into an emergency Cobra meeting.

Meanwhile, betting agencies have stopped taking bets on Brexit until they figure out “what the hell is going on”.

Machiavellian machinations

One person who may have figured out “what the hell is going on” is political journalist Peter Whitelaw. Whitelaw has suggested that Nigel Farage may have an ulterior motive for backing Remain:

Nigel Farage has been railing against the EU for about a quarter of a century now, so I don’t buy the idea that he could suddenly have changed his mind. Instead, I think Farage has realised that when Britain leaves the EU he won’t have a job any more. So he’ll campaign for Britain to vote to remain, and when it does he’ll return to the Eurosceptics. I suppose you could call it a sort of unresignation…

A loyal defence

UKIP deputy leader Paul Nuttall defended Farage’s decision, saying that it demonstrated leadership qualities:

It shows he’s not afraid to admit it when he gets it wrong.

Nuttall rejected the suggestion that Farage’s U-turn had thrown the party into chaos:

“That isn’t true; he’s taking us in a clear direction. And by the way it’s no longer UKIP – it’s UKNSMIP”.

Asked to elaborate on what the new acronym stood for, Nuttall hesitated before eventually acquiescing:

UK Not So Much Independence Party. OK, it needs a bit of work…

Meanwhile, former UKIP MP Douglas Carswell has defected from his old party, UKIP, to form a new party: UKIP. He has launched an unprecedented attack on the former UKIP-leader:

Farage has removed all doubt: he is very much on the Brussels pay roll – and I don’t just mean as an MEP…

Sterling up 5%

In response to Farage’s announcement, the value of the pound has increased by 10% against the Euro and 15% against the US dollar. Political Analyst Cristian Cernatescu offered one explanation:

Before Farage’s U-turn, Remain only had a small lead – so there was lots of uncertainty. But now Remain can add 4 million UKIP votes to its total, taking it well over 50%. We know UKIP voters will stick with “Nige” because he’s reaffirmed his commitment to enjoying pints, smoking profusely, and making three politically incorrect remarks before breakfast each day.